The Nocturnal Voice Page 3

does, you were showing me your tattoo. Big deal. Fuck them!”

  Daryl chuckled slightly.

  “If anyone get’s fucked around here, it’s always the patient and may I remind you that I will already be bent over with my shirt off.”

  Ali giggled and looked back at the nurse by the door one more time.

  “Really it’s ok and if she gets up I’ll tell you.”

  Daryl grinned and shrugged is shoulders.

  “Honestly, I don’t care if they have a problem with it. What will they do kick me out? Isn’t that the goal when your a patient here?”

  He leaned forward in the chair and pulled up his tee-shirt exposing his back.

  Ali looked down to see a large tattoo of a moth or some type of butterfly that spanned his upper back. The color of the tattoo ink used was pale blue-green almost pearlescent in appearance. The creature had a long split tail that followed Daryl’s spine and ended on his lower back.

  She stared at the detail and beautiful precision that the tattoo artist had put into their work and as Daryl moved his arms to get a better grip on his shirt, the wings of the creature seemed to undulate with the movements of his shoulders and back.

  She whispered,

  “Wow that is so cool! What is it?”

  Daryl still bent down looked back over his shoulder.

  “It’s a type of moth called a moon moth.”

  He pulled his shirt back down and sat up in the chair again.

  “There are different kinds of moon moths all over the world but this one is the American species. Like me.”

  “Well I think it’s beautiful.”

  “Thanks Ali”

  She smiled warmly and asked,

  “Are these moths really rare because I’ve never seen anything like that around here.”

  “No, they aren’t rare at all. The come out a lot in the springtime but most people never see them because like all moths, they’re nocturnal.

  That’s the bad thing about the darkness. You can’t see how many beautiful things exist in it even though they might be just inches away from you.”

  She nodded thinking about what he’d just said.

  It wasn’t his statement about being blind in the dark that she saw as a revelation. She was intrigued by the lovely metaphor for both she, and everyone around them. All familiar with the dark places of the human psyche, yet blind and unable to see the beauty that lives their as well, side by side.

  “So is that why this tattoo is important to you? As a reminder that the dark places can be beautiful?”

  Daryl looked at her with a blank almost emotionless gaze for a moment. She thought in that instant that she’d crossed some boundary that had offended him. Just as she was about to apologize he said,

  “Wow freaky. That was exactly it, you pretty much nailed it. It’s a representation of my mental illness and what it really looks like to me.”

  Ali smiled.

  “So what was the moth called again, a moon moth?”

  “That’s right a Moon Moth. Sometimes people call them Luna Moths too.

  This may sound odd but you might as well know. I named her Tinea.”

  Ali repeated the name, “Tin- ay-ah?

  Why do I feel like I’ve heard that name before? It’s such a pretty name.”

  As the room became awkwardly silent, Ali looked back at the outside world through the window while Daryl did his best to straighten his shirt. It was then Ali felt the need to ask a question.

  “Daryl, can I ask you why you’re here?

  You said that tattoo represents your mental illness but you never really said what happened to you.”

  He nodded his head with a half smile on his face.

  “I was wondering when we would get to this. Of course you can ask.”

  He folded his leg under him and turned so he could speak with her face to face.

  “I’m here because I have this problem sometimes where I feel the need to do random things. You’ll think this is screwed up when I say this but at times I seem to know when things will happen before they do.”

  Ali sat speechless for a moment.

  “What, do you mean you think your clairvoyant or something?

  Hey wait a minute, was that what the whole thing this morning was about when I messed up my leg? You said watch out before I gouged up my leg, whoa that’s kind of creepy. I know that staple was not sticking out enough to see it or I would have avoided it. That certainly didn’t seem like you were delusional about that.”

  Daryl said,

  “Thank you for the vote of confidence but as you can see by the gouge on your leg, my gift is kind of flawed don’t you think?”

  In that moment of silence, the wind picked up outside and the trees began to sway in the stiff wind of an approaching storm. A low roar from the wind in the leaves could be heard even through the double paned glass window.

  Daryl glanced at Ali again studying her tattoo.

  “I know I said it before, but your dragon tattoo is really beautiful.”

  Aki nervously glided her hand over the artwork and shyly replied,

  “Thanks. I like yours a lot too.”

  He glanced behind him at the nurse who was still sitting by the door to the day room. Speaking quietly he asked Ali a random question as if pulled from the air.

  “Have you ever heard of synchronicity?”

  Ali shook her head but then thought for a moment and replied,

  “Wait, yeah! Do you mean that retro song from like the 1980’s or sometime back then?”

  Daryl laughed.

  “No, not a song, but I know exactly which one you mean.

  No, I’m talking about the word synchronicity and what it actually means.”

  Ali thought for a moment and said,

  “I have no idea. I didn’t even know it was a real word.”

  “Oh, it’s a real word. Synchronicity is when you see two or more events that have nothing to do with one another. Maybe something happens that’s very unlikely to occur at the same time as another, yetwhen they occur, they seem really meaningful in some way, almost like it was meant to be. Do you know what I mean?”

  Ali felt a bit odd considering the randomness of Daryl’s discussion and had the feeling that he was about to use a potentially poor line to ask her out.

  She cautiously replied,

  “You mean like coincidence, right?”

  “In a way,” Daryl said.

  “But there’s way more to it than that. Have you ever thought of someone you haven’t thought of for a long time but suddenly it seems like you see them in some unlikely place or they call you on the phone at the exact moment you think of them? Do you know what I mean now?”

  “Oh god yes, absolutely! In high school, I had a close friend named Renee.

  She had the most amazing blue eyes, in fact people used to think she wore contacts to make them look like that but she didn’t. I used to think it would be so cool to have eyes like that instead of these black holes I got.

  Anyway, she ended up moving to Arizona during junior year and that following summer we stopped keeping in touch. I felt really bad about that. You know how it goes, you get caught up in life and it just sort of happens. Then one day you realize that a year went by and feel like its your fault you never called.

  Finally it feels too weird calling them after so much time went by.”

  Daryl nodded his head with a thoughtful look on his face.

  “I know how that goes, believe me. I wish I didn’t.”

  Ali nodded back.

  “Well after that happened, almost three more years went by.

  Then one day on this nasty, rainy, cold day in November, I was watching a movie. The movie sucked pretty bad and I came close to not even watching it. About half way through it, I noticed that one of the characters was a young girl named Renee who was trying to fit into a new school because her parents moved. On top of that the actress who played her role had the
coolest blue eyes and I instantly thought of my friend.

  The creepy thing happened later that afternoon when I decided I was going to try to look her up. I looked at my phone and saw a friends request from her.

  Isn’t that crazy?

  It freaked me out so much I couldn’t believe it was possible. She told me later that she just started to think about me that day for no reason.”

  Ali nodded her head,

  “So that’s synchronicity. Nice, I like that the word. Now when that kind of thing happens, I’ll have something that sounds better that “crazy messed up”.

  Daryl laughed,

  “I agree, this sounds a little classier.

  You also nailed it, that’s a perfect example. A lot of times people come up with the worst stories and think it‘s the same thing.

  They describe meeting someone who mentioned they own a bird and tell you,

  “It was so weird! After they said they had a bird, I saw a bird sitting by my car just hours later.”

  Ali rolled her eyes and dropped her head into her hand, “Really? Oh god, I know, right? Seriously, you would think that people would realize that some things in life are just coincidence. That thing with Renee though, that was really wild. I mean what are the chances?“

  Daryl smiled and replied,

  “That was very improbable. I think those things are meaningful to us, but we don’t always know it. Synchronicity isn’t about trying to find a connection to every stupid little event in your life. It’s about recognizing those times when an event borders on the impossible. It’s about following that moment to see if there was a reason for it and asking yourself, what am I supposed to do with this little vision from god knows where. Usually I can figure it out, but if you ignore it, the amazing things that follow can go unnoticed.”

  Now completely captivated by Daryl’s every word, Ali